Article by le Garofi translated by Ey@el

Original en français

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Under fire over more disclosures of intrusive wiretapping and in an effort to rebuild their image, the NSA provide an unprecedented service to American citizens, though at the moment, still met with mixed feelings.

Saving all your passwords for $25 per month only

“Who's never forgotten their email passwords, mobile access codes, or bank details? No more hassle, NSA takes care of that for you!” says the attractive slogan used by the now infamous National Security Agency to unveil their brand new service which goes by the malicious title of “Unlocked: we remember everything you don’t, and more.”

The idea is pretty simple: for 25 dollars per month, a special unit of NSA will automatically save all your Internet passwords and store it in its databases “over unlimited time”. Fiendishly proactive, whenever you enter two incorrect passwords they'll receive a notification and automatically resend the correct one without any action on your part required. “They'll even update the tiniest modification in your login date in real-time” says James, 28, thrilled.

“Allies should help one another”

It is with great emotion that actual head of NSA, Admiral Michael Rogers, commented back on what led to this extremely altruistic offer. During his time as eavesdropper-in-chief, he happened to witness online the mishap of a European president who could not remember the password to the secure account he used for sharing top-secret documents. “But we had it in our database all along. Besides, we're still using it today” said Rogers. “Allies should help one another, shouldn't they?” Undoubtely a much appreciated help in the digital jungle both States and private individuals are now living in. However, Richard Ledgett, Assistant Director of Operations is more prosaic regarding the original vocation of the project: “You know, storing the personal data of our citizens is our job and we've been doing it for a long time so we may as well get money and publicity out of it,” he confessed.

For the moment, the general public appears quite doubtful. According to a consumer panel, the fear that their data could be used for secret monitoring purposes would be the main argument. “We do understand  and respect this concern” said Admiral Rogers. “Our citizens have every right to reject the services of the NSA. We're a free country! Simply, they will be covertly outsourced to our British or Canadian counterparts so everyone is happy.”

Translated from French by Ey@el
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