Self-Love: How To Actually Love Yourself
In Love Always
Pros and cons usually are hatred.
They stare at me, assuming that
I am this girl whom I'm actually not.
Too fragile, going into exile,
Too many tell-tale nights
Alienating me from myself.
"Tandem", Vanessa Paradis (1990)
It seems only 'natural' in such an absurd world as ours, ruled by doublethink, to declare self-love as an egoistical, antisocial practice, if not a sure sign of sociopathy!
In fact, sociopaths are what they are because they have no self-love at all. How could they possibly give out something they don't have within? How can you hope to love people if you don't love yourself? How can you feel the love they send you if you can't feel it within you? Why would you expect sociopaths in power to promote anything else but self-loathing and hatred of others (who, by the way, are just our reflection in the mirror)?
From the perspective of the broken logic of our mental programming, such statements might sound totally ludicrous, stupid and preposterous to those who don't buy into this nonsense. If you're one of those, I am truly sorry for you dear friends, but maybe you stumbled upon this article because your Higher Self actually wanted to draw your attention?
If not, I sincerely hope this transcript from a a 30-minute long video by Lulumineuse will prove as helpful for you as it has been for me in your quest for happiness. Since it's a long read, I chose to divide it in three distinct parts which will be posted during the forthcoming days.
What is self-love and how can you love yourself? I think the most fundamental thing you need to understand first is that you need to approach it in reverse. Let me explain: instead of asking: “How can I love myself?”, you should ask: “How can I stop hurting myself?”
I stop hurting myself when I let Love be. Love is already within because we are beings of pure Love (i.e. all our cells have been created by the Universal Abundance which is Love, the Source, God, the Tao... you name it). It is an infinite, universal creative force you find everywhere. It is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent — it's Love and that's what we are. So “How can I love myself?” becomes “How can I stop hurting myself on a daily basis?”. A comprehensive reply would be: “I listen to myself”. Now the problem is “How can I listen to myself?”
So how can I listen to myself, Lulu?
You should start with the most simple things, that is everything which takes place inside of you. Do you really love yourself when you torment yourself, brooding, harping on pervasive ideas which do not serve you and which poison and trap you? Do you really love yourself when from 9 to 11am, you consistently remind yourself that you have to hang out the laundry just like some kind of a persecutor would do and just as if it was actually a threat hanging over you? Do you really love yourself right now? No, you're actually hurting yourself. Because you blame yourself and you set up your own inner tyranny. These little details in your daily life show how you prevent yourself from loving yourself. You need to sort out pervasive thoughts, tormenting thoughts, and straining thoughts because they are like prison chains. Nothing can ever hurt you as much as your own thoughts. Nothing can ever upset you as much as your own thoughts.
And the first thing you need to understand is “What is it that I create inside?” “ What do I allow to happen inside of me?”
I need to be the master of my own thoughts. It doesn't mean I need to be 'controlling'. It means that I need to manage the impact of my own thoughts on my body, on my psyche, and on the way I live. I don't want to worry all morning long because of that laundry thing. Whereas if I free myself from this thought and head for self-love... what does it mean? It means I make the choice to free myself from this castration, from this pressure (even if it's just an insignificant thought), and I choose to trust that Providence, the Love which applies to everything in the Universe, will provide a natural window (maybe at 10:39am) where everything falls into place so that I can hang out my laundry in five minutes and in good spirit.
This is what self-love feels like in you daily life. It is that simple, but 'that simple' uplifts your spirits everyday, while your mood also affects everyone's mood around like your family, your partner, your children, and even your pets if you have any. Your mood has tremendous impact on your close circle, but also on the people you meet during the day, whether it's through messaging or in the flesh. You bet it does, because your vibration is different!
You're no longer hypnotised by your own thoughts. You are in control of yourself i.e. you have done the sorting job so as to remain available and so are you for the people you meet. And thus you'll see who is available and who is not when you meet them. You will find that many people don't do that job. They are hypnotised, they're not in self-love for they actually don't even know that this is something you can work on. It is the first thing you need to be aware of.
How can I find self-reassurance?
The process we usually go through to find self-reassurance is actually a great source of anxiety. Do you really think that constantly reminding yourself you have to hang out the laundry in order to ensure it does get done is in any way appeasing? It is not and will create more anxiety! So, you need to understand that which you believe is reassuring for you actually creates the opposite. It is the complete opposite of feeling positive. This is control i.e. I keep the upper hand for sure, but I keep the upper hand on an external event of which I don't know all the specifics. I am still in a state of fear that it won't get done, which means I don't know what is going to happen. I have to hang out the laundry this morning because I won't be home this afternoon, so I must absolutely do it now. But who knows, in five minutes' time my kid may ask me something that will take me half an hour and I won't have time after that, I still have to tidy up the place, etc. I'm constantly trying to control things yet I do not get a grip on events. I don't know whether my kid will need help. I don't know whether my stuff... right now, I might trip on something and then I will need to tidy the room. I have no idea what might happen. The only control I can have is over myself.
What does “how to cope with inner stuff” mean?
It means I need to find self-reassurance, but how? Well, through example. Because you have gained this mastery, you have controlled this thought saying to yourself “there will be a window where my laundry gets done”, you apply it to everything. And all of a sudden, given that you have let go and that your mind is greatly available, everything falls in its right place. You get ideas that could never have crossed your mind before because you were totally busy and overwhelmed. And given that you have made space, a new availability sets in. And born of this new availability is a new organisation. This organisation is more intuitive, more instinctive and thus is based on Love — where do you think intuition comes from? It comes from the Great Force, the Great Intelligence hence Love! So, when you make room for this intuitive space, all of a sudden, you find that at 10:37am everything gets done... wow! So now, I have five minutes to go and hang out my laundry. It's amazing how everything worked out in the end!
Therefore out of this comes experience. And with experience you grow an ever-increasing faith. That I know it will be taken care of because I am a vibrating energy, I know what I have vibrated, and I know that all this energy, all this whole which I'm part of, responds in harmony with what I'm vibrating. The Universe doesn't work against me, I work with the Universe.
So, in the first instance, there I am nurturing the same thought and I have the impression that things work against me so I need to control them while I actually have no power over them. But in the second instance, when I decide to free myself, I can feel that together we work in harmony and that I will be given a window to do what I have asked for because this is how I need to do it. This is what self-love is like. It starts with respecting and trying not to control all the life involved around you, ignoring your own thoughts which eventually hide from you the availability to do things.
To be continued soon...
Transcribed & translated from French by Ey@el
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Tags: psychology, emotions, self-help, law of attraction, Lulumineuse
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