• Headquarters of European Union Acknowledge Reception of Monsanto's Christmas List

    Article by Le Gorafi translated by Ey@el

    Original en français

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    Already spoiled before time with the glyphosate approval, Monsanto can now look forward to Christmas Eve in full confidence.

    While each year, the corporation would send its list of requests to Santa, today they have decided to deal directly with the European Union. “They're capable of doing the impossible. Only they know how to put stars in our eyes like that. Have you seen with glyphosate? Everyone is well aware of its toxicity, yet they still managed to push it through. Who knows, they might have worked hard at finding (or bribing) fake experts? They swept the precautionary principle to protect health straight under the carpet. That's what you call Christmas magic!” declared a spokesperson for Monsanto's executive board.

    The list arrived this morning in Brussels and was directly delivered to the relevant staff. The UE's elves in charge of the Christmas lists of lobbies are already in action. For Christmas Eve, Monsanto has decided to also rely on President of EU Council Jean-Claude Juncker to play Santa. All members of the corporation will then have the right to sit on his lap to get their hair stroked.

    Monsanto is looking forward to an enchanting party. “We are very grateful that we can have such a wonderful Christmas, which won't be the case for everyone. We are therefore committed to offer a free cancer to anyone consuming a product contaminated with our pesticides. If you don't believe us, wait and see ten years from now” says Hugh Grant, chairman of Monsanto UK.

    Translated from French by Ey@el
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