Pictures by unknown authors captioned by Ey@el

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Cancer: When the goats are away, the crab might eat.
Food won't help untie the knots.

Capricorn: You, lucky devil! All the planets will bend to
your goats. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Leo: Uranus will make you act as if you'd had nails for breakfast.
Watch out, you don't want to bite the dust.

Aquarius : There's a risk of flooding. Uranus might be
the last straw that breaks the watering can.

Virgo: Your mind might get overwhelmed by Neptune's tides.
Weep it out, you'll see more clearly.

Pisces: All is well, easy pisce, the odds are in your favour.
Time for some high flying while Neptune guards your waters.

Ey@el

NOTE: These horoscopes aren't as wild as you would think. Therefore any self-fulfilling prediction would not be totally coincidental.